Today's homework was about overcoming the obstacle of legalism. When I started reading, I thought, "surely this one doesn't have to do with me, but I'll give it a go." First of all, I JUST finished reading about overcoming the obstacle of pride... and then I had that thought. Did you know that the Lord brought me back down off my self-proclaimed pedestal and showed me the log in my own eye? I struggle with legalism. Did I know that before today? Nope. But I sure do now. I also know that I struggle with pride. Again. Thankful for His loving grace. Because growing in the Lord isn't always pretty, but without His confrontational love, I wouldn't become the woman He wants me to be.
So here we go. Like I said, I struggle with legalism. How do I know? Well, the more I read into the study and read in Matthew and Isaiah about looking at the specks in other's eyes and not realizing the log in my own, and then in Isaiah about "They honor me with their lips but their hearts are far from me." I realized my heart is kinda ugly. I'm a hardcore rule follower. My number one strength from Strength Finders is Belief. When I see someone doing something wrong, it urks me. Mainly because I'm Honest Abe over here and would literally tell my mom when I was little when I hit my sister. I couldn't stand the thought of lying about what I did. So I just told her. I knew she was going to find out anyway, so it just seemed better to let her know. Well-- that's how I am with other people. Sometimes I see someone going down the wrong path and I want to yell out "CAUTION!". Not that that is bad, because that is a healthy strength, but it has to come out of love. It becomes unhealthy when I'm more worried about what other's are doing (or not doing) instead of first examining my own life.
I'm a blessed woman. I have an incredible husband, a beautiful daughter, and things are going well for us. We are truly living under the blessed umbrella of the Lord. But sometimes, I portray my walk with the Lord to be something it's not. For example, a few weeks back in our life group, we were talking about prayer. Someone asked the question about growing in prayer and making it a daily, vital part of our lives. I gave the "well, we should crave the Lord like coffee and want to wake up every day reading our bible and praying." What the heck? Where did that even come from because that is NOT what I have been doing. But here's where my heart was ugly. I wanted them to think that I had the answer or that I had it all together. AGAIN. Pride & legalism.
I got into my car later and the Lord spoke sweetly to me. He brought me off of my pedistal and reminded me that He was the reason I had everything that I have. Confrontational love. So very thankful for that. I was prideful in my walk with him. I was acting like I had it all together in that setting (when that is far from the truth). My mouth didn't line up with my heart.
Beth Moore said it perfectly.
"God does not take our spiritual temperature under the tongue by the words we say, or in our ear by the impressive teachings we hear, or under our arms by the service we perform. God takes our spiritual temperature straight from our heart."
So thankful for this confrontation today. It has really caused me to do some thinking. I want to be the woman of God that he has called me to be. To be able to move forward into my destiny. I'm also thankful that his will is for me to live a life completely void of any obstacles that would keep me from Him.
I'm so very grateful for his grace this morning!